they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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