you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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