I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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