Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
look no pants
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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