YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
