just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
