I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
