whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
