It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
