Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
