Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
