My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
