so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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