I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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