Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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