i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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