You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
