i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
