and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want her autograph on my taint
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
