I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
