A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize