I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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