I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
