apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
