You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
