I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
