I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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