how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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