There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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