I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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