Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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