"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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