fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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