k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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