You were right. It hurts to walk today.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
