dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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