Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
