Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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