So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
