Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
