Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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