I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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