You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
