Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
