New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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