I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
