Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
