Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
