You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
