I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
