This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
