What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
