wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
