No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I met the friendliest cop last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
