Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
