reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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