After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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