porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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