ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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