why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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