do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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