I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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