i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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