i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
