i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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