Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
