Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't notice because vodka
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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