he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
