I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
