Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
