In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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