he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize