Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
