I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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