he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
