hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to calm my uterus...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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