Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
