If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
