its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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