you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
