and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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