If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
