If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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