You work out of a Hotel?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You pole danced in your parka.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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