What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
