i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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