do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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