Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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