i jhust puked up my retainher.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
