ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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