So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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