I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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