Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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