how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
