Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
